Sunday, February 12, 2006

At last, something useful: Tourist tips!!

From the Google search queries that lead the innocent to this site, I see that some people drop by in search of useful holidaymaker type information about Tenerife. Oh dear. So far this has been crap for tourists.

In an effort to redress the situation, I have resolved to try to write at least one useful post for tourists to Tenerife per month. So here goes…


Packing tips
  • Bring an umbrella. Preferably a big one, so a few soggy locals can hitch a lift under it.
  • Bring a bucket. (not for sandcastles… your room is bound to have a leak).
  • Bring suntan lotion. We are near the equator, if you are from up north, you will go pink in 2 hours. We think it's hilarious. You might not.
  • Cut price airlines make money on excess baggage. The weight allowance is 3 G-strings. Bring heavy stuff on board with you.
  • If you are coming at the end of the month, or beginning of March then pack fancy dress stuff. It’s CARNIVAL time!
  • If you are a bloke... PLEEEASE leave your speedos / thong at home. I admit, this tip is more for our general wellbeing than yours, but have a heart.

Shopping tips
  • If you buy a Rolex for 20 euros, do not be disappointed if it loses 10 minutes every hour.

Going out tips
  • The best food is not to be had in a beachside restaurant: Get off your arse and explore. Mail me if you tried somewhere really good.
  • Don’t go to Mcdonalds.
  • Don’t expect a disco to have people in it before 3am

Doing stuff tips
  • If you go up mount Teide, it’s bloody cold. No matter how hard you are, shorts and T shirt won’t do. Unless you’re from Newcastle, of course.
  • The sun may be shining (normally), but the ocean is still the Atlantic. It’s cold. Go swim in a pool.

General tips
  • Whatever it is, don’t expect it to happen too quickly.
  • All timeshare scratch cards are winners. It’s not that surprising.

Big Tips
  • Yes please. And tip everyone on the island, it puts them in a good mood.

Any additional words of wisdom you think should be imparted, let me know and I'll include it in my next batch of highly useful info for tourists.


Anonymous Nick said...

Cheers for the tips - wise words! I've added a link to you from my Spain blog.

11:13 pm  
Blogger Tenerife Scribbler said...

Wow! A real grown up link from a blog related to a site WITH AN ACTUAL POSITIVE GOOGLE PAGE RANK!!!

Everything else that links here is on Google's blacklist.

Thanks Nick.

11:33 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Be fair, some of my pages are merely (unranked) not ranked. I have inside pages with positive ranks as high as PR5.

For your packing tips, don't forget that smokers should bring jackets.

Oh, and wooly socks. It may be warmer than the Scottish Highlands, but the lack of heating, coupled with all the bare tile floors is the cold killer.

7:15 pm  
Blogger Tenerife Scribbler said...

Pamela you have hidden depths! PR5? Crikey... I am impressed! But then again, you also have a internet marketing guru hat as well, so I shouldn't be surprised.

(& thanks for the other 2 tips) :o)

... is a female guru a gurette? Gurina?

8:17 pm  
Blogger granny p said...

I think we could nick most of this for my island. Except possibly the tipping. There's a bit of innocence left here. A small amount of loose change will do.

2:29 pm  
Blogger Tenerife Scribbler said...

Ooh Granny P, don't let the waiters of Puerto del Carmen hear you say that!

2:54 pm  

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