touchy feely stuff

My wife says that she would not love me if I were a head in a jar. I conclude from this that she only loves me for my body. I look down at my belly and reason that my wife must love me a lot because there’s a lot to love. So I ask my wife if she would love me less in the unlikely event that I lose any weight. And she tells me to shut up and stop talking nonsense. I am astounded by this. I am often criticised for not being particularly interested in touchy feely stuff, but now I am voluntarily engaging in a conversation about luurve… surely I should be congratulated, smothered in kisses and offered yummy titbits!